I used to play in a band called Green Light Theory with Corey Rutchland. Corey always had an affinity for Relient K, so I couldn’t think of a better candidate to rank the band’s studio albums. Be my escape and read further:

8. Collapsible Lung (2013)

SW: Yo.

CR: Whattup, lost boy.

SW: Oh, you. You’re so much sweeter today than you were yesterday. I’m just breathing. You know how that is. How you doing?

CR: Can’t complain, Mr. Waldman.

SW: That’s rad, Mr. Rutchland… Onto relient K.

CR: Can’t complain, Mr. Waldman.

7. Relient K (2000)

SW: Good. Don’t complain. Everything will be alright.

CR: Alright alright alright.

SW: (starts laughing uncontrollably)

CR: In all sincerity, a lot of the tracks on this record would make for a great mixtape for my girlfriend.

SW: A debut mixtape?

CR: Yes. Can’t complain, Mr. Waldman.

SW: Ooo. Now Corey’s in charge of the dad jokes.

CR: Only when you’re around.

6. Air for Free (2016)

SW: Air is always around… And it’s free.

CR: For now.

SW: Please don’t give me any more heartache. This world is hard enough.

CR: Man, I’m sorry for bummin’ you out.

SW: Ok.

CR: I want another new Relient K album.

SW: K.

CR: Bro, you’re normally on the ball. You sleepin’ or somethin’?

SW: No.

CR: K.

5. The Anatomy of the Tongue in Cheek (2001)

SW: K is for kick-off!

CR: Solid opener. What have you been doing lately?

SW: Oh you know. Just pressing on.

CR: Scott, those words are not enough. I need more.

SW: No.

CR: No?

SW: What we have here is a failure to excommunicate.

CR: K.

SW: This album has amazing song titles.

CR: All great hits for the Sadie Hawkins Dance playlist.

SW: (Relient) K.

4. Two Lefts Don’t Make a Right… but Three Do (2003)

CR: “Mood Rings” is my favorite song from this album.

3. Forget and Not Slow Down (2009)

SW: This is not the end of this article.

CR: If it was, I’d need some therapy after.

SW: Everyone needs therapy. Fuck you, Corey.

CR: K.

SW: On a serious note, I’m glad that this album tackled some very important issues.

CR: While sometimes sounding like Death Cab For Cutie if you believe me (if you want it).

SW: I love that! I love that!

CR: I think that this is the end for this album.

SW: So what you’re saying is (wait for it, wait for it), should we forget and not slow down?

CR: Yes.

2. Five and Seven Years Ago (2007)

SW: Full disclosure: This is my favorite Relient K album but no one agrees with me.

CR: (in worst Owen Wilson voice) WOW. Wow. Just wow. Wow. Wow. You just came right out and said it. Wow. Wow. Just wow. (pauses) But I agree.

SW: Yup

CR: They must’ve done something right.

SW: Indeed. But I get why we both ranked the next as number one.

CR: Counselor, I plead the fifth.

SW: K.

CR: I need you.

SW: Good thing I’m taking you with me.

1. Mmhmm (2004)

CR: Mmhmm.

SW: Glad we let it all out.

Thank you for reading. Enjoy the band’s new live album which came out four days ago.