Dylan Ander Helps Rank the Top Ten Acts From Long Island

Scott Waldman new 2019

We’re both from Long Island. Sorry in advance.

10. Nine Days

SW: Nine Days comes in a number ten.

DA: Scott Waldman: Confusing people since 1981.

SW: This is a story of a boy.

DA: Absolutely.

SW: “The Madding Crowd” is a completely underrated record from earlier this century.

DA: Absolutely crazy.

SW: I see what you did there.

DA: Sometimes I’m funny.

  1. Stray Cats

SW: Your jokes rock this town.

DA: It takes a stand up bass to rock this town.

SW: It takes a stony brook to rock this town.

DA: The drummer’s name rocks this town.

SW: SNAP INTO A SLIM JIM!

DA: Brian Setzer’s mid-90s comeback rocked my town.

SW: The Five Towns do the Stray Cat Strut.

DA: I’ve got a pretty good strut, but I’m allergic to cats.

  1. Twisted Sister

SW: Nothing to be allergic of in the town of Hempstead! Don’t twist it, sister. Lido Beach has it going on too.

DA: Is that true?

SW: Yes. It wants to (pauses) ROCK!

DA: ROCK!

  1. Lil Peep

SW: Lil Peep is from the 11561. Gone too soon. Very very awful.

DA: Total legend for me.

SW: Most people didn’t realize his impact until after he was gone.

DA: It’s a sad truth that happens all too often.

SW: Lil Peep gets multiple articles written about him on the daily, and I wish that a lot of them focused more on his music than drugs or tattoos.

DA: Agreed. Moving forward, let’s focus on his artistic vision and revival of an entire movement.

SW: Please.

  1. Harry Chapin

DA: Could you put your light on, please.

SW: Yes.

DA: Thank you.

SW: No problem. As a new father, “Cat’s In The Cradle” carries more weight now than ever before.

DA: Beautiful kid Max.

SW: I see what you did there. Max will be reading this tomorrow because he is superbaby.

DA: Wanna know what’s super? “Cat’s In The Cradle” was inspired by Kurt Vonnegut’s science fiction novel “Cat’s Cradle”. Know who was also inspired by Cat’s Cradle?

SW: WHO? WHO?

DA: Ice Nine Kills, ice-nine was the substance that killed everyone in the book.

SW: It worked. Hope they found a better place to be.

DA: Yeah, not Long Island. Jk, love that place.

  1. Glassjaw

SW: This band was majorly inspirational.

DA: I see what you did there. You and Jeff Ross should go head to head on puns.

SW: Ross Ross’ song.

DA: Scream it like you mean it.

SW: Don’t tell me what to do.

DA: We both know who is the manager here.

SW: Your words are hurting and shoving me, Dylan.

DA: I’m experiencing a headache now and cosmopolitan blood loss.

SW: I’m sorry. My conscience weighs a ton.

  1. Lou Reed

DA: Sounds heavy. And now we’re at the cool portion of the list.

SW: So cool. Epic and cool.

DA: This dude gets over to the wild side.

SW: This dude used to be in the Velvet Underground AND made an album with Metallica.

DA: AND he’s from Amagansett.

SW: What the fuck is an Amagansett?

DA: Vicious. It’s nowhere near Coney Island, baby.

SW: If I never heard from you again, it’d be a perfect day.

DA: (fist bumps him out of respect and feverishly nods his head) That’s what I call a mic drop.

SW: I’m feeling a satellite of love between us.

  1. Public Enemy

DA: FLAVA FLAV!

SW: FLAVA FLAV!

  1. Mariah Carey

DA: Stop shouting. Mariah is the ultimate diva.

SW: Seriously. Easily a top ten vocalist in any genre.

DA: All I want for Chanukah is you.

SW: We belong together.

DA: I know what you want.

SW: OBSESSED.

DA: I’m obsessed with Mariah’s FIVE OCTAVE GUINESS BOOK OF WORLD RECORD WINNING vocal range.

SW: (whispers) Obsessed.

DA: You’re my hero, Wald-man.

  1. Billy Joel

SW: Girl, thanks. Billy Joel may win the New York award in addition to his Long Island award.

DA: Billy Joel is my dad’s favorite artist. In fact, they share the name name.

SW: Well said, son of Bill. Most dads heart Billy Joel. I know that I do. You’re no longer an angry young man.

DA: Insert “Piano Man” joke here.

SW: No. Harry Truman, Doris Day, Red China, Johnnie Ray.

DA: Cardi B, Louie Reed, Public Enemy.

SW: Long Island is still rock and roll to me.

DA: You live in LA now and I live in Nashville now, but we’re always sons of Long Island.

SW: Sons of Abraham!