Sam Tall and I just ate extremely healthy and hearty (pun intended) breakfasts at C&M Cafe. We’re kidding. It was grossly unhealthy, but SO fucking good. Arguably epic. Yup. I love Sam (and the fact that he had a fucking pastry for breakfast).

Here are our top eleven 100% subjective anthem songs of all time. You can disagree, but you’re wrong. Sorrynotsorry:

  1. Sisqó – “Thong Song” (1999)

SW: Started from the bottom, now we’re here.

ST: This is a party anthem. Or a club anthem. But either way, if you’re not dancing, you’re doing it wrong.

SW: I’m jew-ing it wrong.

ST: (ignores his friend) If you ARE dancing, then we can be friends.

SW: You’ve got a friend in me.

ST: I just feel like when it comes to guilty pleasures, there’s nothing I find more guilt inducing than a vulgar and crass dance track.

SW: Let me see that thong.

ST: No.

  1. Good Charlotte – “The Anthem” (2002)

SW: This is THE anthem.

ST: Throw all your hands up.

SW: GC gets WAY too much hate, and fuck you for contributing.

ST: I was ten when this song came out.

SW: I was 2002.

ST: What is it even about?

SW: Who is it even about? Where? How? Why? When?

ST: (confused)


ST: True. This song ROCKed.

SW: The Madden Brothers are actual fratellis AND…

  1. The Fratellis – “Chelsea Dagger” (2006)

ST: I don’t remember the first time that I heard “Chelsea Dagger,” but I remember the LAST time: It was 2 in the morning, and it’s the only thing that I remember from that night.

SW: A day to remember.

ST: Anthems are supposed to be things that you shout from the top of your lungs and this song DEFINITELY checks that box.

SW: I’ll check your box.

ST: Box well checked.

  1. The Village People – “YMCA” (1978)

SW: All kidding aside, this is the first true anthem to be mentioned here. The Village People spoke for a voice that had none.

ST: I’m sure you will find many ways to have a good time…. with this song.

SW: Mic drop.

ST: I learned to swim at the YMCA in Montclair, New Jersey. I always thought that the song was about THAT YMCA.

SW: I hate to break it to jew.

ST: It wasn’t. The Village People could’ve written an anthem about the pizza spot next to the Montclair YMCA.


  1. Whitesnake – “Here I Go Again ’87” (1987)

ST: First things first: I didn’t even know until just now that this isn’t Whitesnake’s original version, but this is THE canonical version.

SW: Here you go again.

ST: Talk about songs one needs to scream at the top of one’s lungs!



SW: Glad we got that out of our system. ‘80s power ballads make me feel better about the planet.

ST: I couldn’t agree more.

  1. Diana Ross – “I’m Coming Out” (1980)

SW: This song CAME OUT a year before I CAME OUT (of my mommy).

ST: I don’t know why I thought that this song was much older, or that you were much younger.

SW: Thank you?

ST: When I hear “I’m Coming Out” in my mind, I think of it as a disco song. But it’s not, is it?

SW: Genres are dumb. It’s just a fucking monster ANTHEM.

ST: Best. Genre. Ever.

  1. Muse – “Uprising” (2009)

SW: Ten. Years. Strong.

ST: Four Year Strong?

SW: FUCK YES. Anyway, I’ve seen Muse perform this song live four times, and the energy in the room (or outside, depending on the show’s location) is unrivaled.

ST: Muse always looks like it is drumming up a rebellion.

SW: (in a Revolutionary War British accent): LIGHT INFANTRY!

ST: What the fuck are you talking about?

SW: I don’t know. (pauses) FUCKING MUSE, BRO! (pauses) MUSE!

  1. Aretha Franklin – “Respect” (1967)

ST: Respect.

SW: Respect. This song could’ve easily been our number one.

ST: Respect. As far as covers go, this may be the most original.

SW: Respect.

ST: RIPspect.

SW: RIPspect. Aretha is the original diva.

ST: Respect. Everybody now is working in the mold of Aretha, and that’s how it should be.

SW: Respect. Adele owes Aretha a hug.

ST: R-e-s-p-e-c-t. The 60s mean a lot to me.

SW: Find out what it means to me. On a WTF note, I can’t believe that this song just turned fifty-two this year. It. Still. Slaps.

  1. Jimi Hendrix – “Star Spangled Banner – Live At The Woodstock Music & Art Fair, August 18, 1969” (1969)

ST: Murica.

SW: This song’s title is quite a mouthful for an instrumental.

ST: Funny how one of the most definitive versions of THE National Anthem is not sung.

SW: Hendrix communicated SO much with NO words. This rendition may remain the number one anthem anthem of all time.

ST: Subjectively. Objectively.

SW: 100% subjectively. 0% objectively.

(they high five each other)

  1. Gloria Gaynor – “I Will Survive” (1978)

ST: Before we started dissecting this anthem, I challenged you to name the release year.

SW: And I guessed.

ST: And you were right. You haven’t been wrong today.

SW: (blushes) Coming from the smartest person in music, that means a lot.

ST: (blushes) Now this is a teen romance novel.

SW: Jew had me at hello.

ST: My former guitar teacher (Tim Quick) toured with Gloria, and I’ve never seen more cruise ship disco Facebook pics.

SW: It’s free and always will be.

  1. Queen – “We Will Rock You” (1977)

ST: We will…

SW: Rock you.

ST: What else is there to say?

What else is there to say? Queen is the GOAT. Here is a playlist featuring each song mentioned:

Thank you, Sam. Thank you, dear reader.