Words from a Waldman: producer Curtis Douglas helps rank the top 8 Myspace Songs

Producer, songwriter, and manager extraordinaire Curtis Douglas (The Underclassmen, The Maine) and I don’t always agree on everything, but putting together this collaborative top eight MySpace songs of all time list went so much smoother than the delivery of a famously bad dad joke from either one of us. Seriously. I was unsure if our individual experiences on THE social network would align for this list, as I’m extremely “old”: 38-years-old, and Curtis reminds me of such every hour on the hour. So… Mr. Douglas is nearly a decade younger than I, but our perspectives on this incredible place to discover music were VERY similar, which is prettay prettay good. Basically, our 100% subjective opinions are right, and yours are wrong. Just the facts, ma’am.

SO, Tom, these eight are for you:

  1. The Used – “The Taste Of Ink” (2002)

SW: Let’s start with a screamo anthem.

CD: The first fifteen seconds of “The Taste Of Ink” are about as good as it gets. It was a major bop, and very much ahead its time.

SW: Speaking of being ahead of its (or my own) time, I first saw The Used at Warped 2002, and saw the band open for Boxcar Racer (on the band’s only tour) and (the band named after fire’s biggest rival) H2O. The show ruled and that joke rules even more.

CD: I also remember its video having a really unique and cool aesthetic. It was in a way that came off as “achievable,” if that makes sense. Maybe attainable is a better word. At the very least, the music video came off as much more “doable” than a lot of other extravagant music videos did at that time.

SW: I feel you, girl. Not everyone can afford a diamond or a lotus.

CD: Agreed, but a gal can dream.

SW: Back to the first fifteen seconds…

CD: That’s what she said.

SW: (scoffs but continues) What. An. Opening. Line.

CD: Is it worth it, can you even hear me?

SW: Yes AND yes.

CD: AND, I was NOT upset when I went to a friend’s MySpace profile and “The Taste Of Ink” was his or her profile song.

SW: I miss that so much. And I will forever have a soft (and hard) spot for The Used, MySpace, profile songs, ink, the taste of ink, and…

CD: Funny.

  1. Hellogoodbye – “Here (In Your Arms)” (2006)

SW: Hellogoodbye actually WAS funny… But not like a clown. (pauses) I love Goodfellas.

CD: Speaking of funny, Hellogoodbye was one of the first bands that infused synths in a FUN way. It was a solid fusion and it wasn’t prog rocky synth, which I truly dug at the time.

SW: Did you ever see the band live?

CD: Yup. Speaking of funny (part two), I saw HGB at Neckbeard’s Soda Bar in Tempe when I was about thirteen.

SW: Blimey! You can’t make this shit up.

CD: (laughs) It’s true. I’ve witnessed others have more than one solid import soda at Neckbeard’s on more than one occasion; I personally don’t even drink soda, but I like music.

SW: Music is stupid. Did your parents drop you off for YOUR neckbeard?

CD: Uh huh. And Forrest Kline (Hellogoodbye’s lead singer/guitarist/keyboard player) seemed SO tall.

SW: He klined like a forrest.

CD: A quick google search which may be inaccurate revealed that we are the same height right now.

SW: So hot right now. Back to MySpace, Hellogoodbye actually co-headlined MySpace’s first official tour with Say Anything.

CD: Speaking of funny (part three), that would’ve been a fun show.

SW: I miss fun.

CD: I miss when you’re funny.

SW: I miss you.

CD: Can we disMISS this and move onto another state?

SW: Sure. Fine. Interesting.

  1. Hawthorne Heights – “Ohio Is For Lovers” (2004)

CD: Oddly enough, my wife is from Ohio, so Ohio is (kinda) for lovers.

SW: I went to school in Michigan. Fuck Ohio (State).

CD: 2004 standards for tight jeans are NOT 2019 standards, but I thought that HH was “tight”. This was the dawning of the “modern” skinny jean.

SW: Phat.

CD: This song exposed me to post-hardcore.

SW: Screamo?

CD: Either works.

SW: Respect.

CD: Speaking of respect, I respect my older brother Jason for taking his significantly younger brother (me) to a Hawthorne Heights/Hopesfall bill when I was barely a teenager.

SW: Respect part 2. I first saw Hawthorne Heights at Warped 2005, which was the biggest year for Warped ever (Top 8 of that year: Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance, The Offspring, Avenged Sevenfold, The All-American Rejects, The Starting Line, The Matches, and Motion City Soundtrack).

CD: The All-American Rejects? Did they name that band after us?

SW: Yes.

CD: (walks out of the room)

SW: I saw AAR at the last Warped ever the other day, and it was the best set of the day.

CD: (walks back into the room) This song is almost as guilty pleasure of a song as “I Kissed A Girl”.

  1. Katy Perry – “I Kissed A Girl” (2008)

SW: I kissed a girl and I liked it.

CD: Ever since I first heard this song, I haven’t stopped listening to Katy Perry. I also recently started using cherry chapstick.

SW: I LOVE THE TASTE! Do you have some on jew?

CD: (hands him a bucket of chapstick)

SW: Girl, thanks.

CD: Shout out to my man, Clark McMahon. I know that this was his high school jam.

SW: Cherry jam.

CD: One cool thing about this song is that Max Martin produced it. Max is in my top 3 producer/songwriters of all time.

SW: Followed by #2 with “Douglas” and #1 with “Curtis”.

CD: #backstreetboys #britneyspears #nsync #taylorswift

SW: #maxmartin

CD: Lyrically this song was just provocative enough to warrant me hiding it from my mother Sue.

SW: I kissed a Sue and I like it.

CD: Let’s get off Sues and onto Marias.

SW: Count.

CD: Me.

  1. All Time Low – “Dear Maria, Count Me In” (2007)

SW: In.

CD: This song sounded amazing.

SW: I agree. And it still does.

CD: I was just starting to produce records at this point, and this song was a constant sonic reference for me.

SW: Sonic Youth.

CD: Shout out to Matt Squire for killing it on this track and record.

SW: He’s gonna be on Waldman’s Words!

CD: I was on Waldman’s Words.

SW: I was too!

CD: Popular opinion: Alex Gaskarth is one of the best pop punk singers out there.

SW: He kills it live, as well.

CD: Speaking of pop punk killers that sing it: Where is your boy tonight?

  1. Fall Out Boy – “Grand Theft Autumn/Where Is Your Boy” (2003)

SW: I hope he is a gentleman.

CD: This song shaped my melodic sensibilities just as much as The Lion King soundtrack did, which WAS A LOT.

SW: Ingonyama nengw’ enamabala.

CD: I just can’t wait to be king.

SW: I love Elton John, but this is about Patrick Stump.

CD: Everybody look left, everybody look right! (Curtis sings a eight minute medley of The Lion King songs in his best Patrick Stump impression)

SW: Shut up. Please. Thanks for the memories.

CD: Sorry.

SW: S’ok.

CD: I believe that this song was among the first on social media to have over one million hits.

SW: I trust you.

CD: This song and album inspired my love for FOB.

SW: Girl, same.

  1. My Chemical Romance – “I’m Not Okay (I Promise)” (2004)

CD: I don’t have an “I’m Not Okay” joke.

SW: That’s not okay.

CD: If you played guitar in the early-00s and didn’t learn the octave guitar intro, I can’t trust you (I Promise).

SW: That’s not okay part 2. (pauses) It was an epic intro; I like this band more than you do.

CD: That’s not okay part 3.

SW: The video for this song was epic. The response from disenfranchised teens was even more epic, warranting this band and song being ranked so high on this list.

CD: Get out of my (Gerard) way.

SW: Come at me, bro.

CD: Damn, Daniel (Picarel).

SW: I truly can’t say enough good things about MCR, so I’ll shut up after this: One of the better bands from this century.

  1. Panic! At The Disco – “I Write Sins Not Tragedies” (2005)

CD: If we are talking about the BIGGEST bands of this century, it would be both a sin and a tragedy not to include Panic! At The Disco.

SW: In a crazy twist of sins and tragedies, Panic! is even bigger NOW.

CD: He had high high hopes for a living.

SW: Mic drop.

CD: Shout out to Brendon Urie for his vocal prowess on this song and album. Another Squire masterpiece.

SW: The Receiving End Of Sirens.

CD: The drums on this song and record are insane.

SW: The song titles on this record are insane.

CD: The lyrics were cheeky and less cliché than a majority of songs coming out at that time.

SW: For a while you couldn’t visit someone’s Myspace page without hearing this song.

CD: I briefly saw Panic! at the Clubhouse in Tempe when the album first came out. The band started playing as the doors opened.

SW: The Receiving End Of Sirens.

CD: Message received.

SW: End rant.

Thank you, Curtis. Thank you, Tom. Thank you, you.