Words From A Waldman: Justin Cole (The Underclassmen) helps rank Thrice’s full length records

Sup. Justin’s cool, yo. Justin loves Thrice, yo. So do I, yo. We fans, yo:

  1. The Alchemy Index: Vol. III & IV (2008)

JC: Let’s start this list with a concept album.

SW: We may be digging our own graves with our ranking of this album but…

JC: (interrupting) Thrice wasn’t exactly moving mountains with this release.

SW: I wasn’t going to say it.

JC: Anywho, there are no bad Thrice albums.

SW: Come to Thrice. Come all you weary.

  1. Beggars (2009)

JC: Not. A. Bad. Record.

SW: Nope. Quite good actually.

JC: Don’t doublespeak me.

SW: Dude, you’re leaving me in “Circles”.

JC: Thrice closed out the last decade with me begging for more.

SW: Holy shit. You have the quote of the article and we just got started.

JC: All the world is GLAD.

  1. The Alchemy Index: Vol. III & IV (2007)

SW: Firebreather.

JC: Good way to start this album/”Alchemy” series/addition to this 100% subjective list.

SW: BURN THE FLEET!

JC: This album is… Wait for it… Wait for it… Fire.

SW: BURN THE FLEET!

JC: Ok, dude. We get it. You like that song.

SW: (Did you hear that from) The Messenger?

JC: I don’t know. I’ve done a lot of night diving lately.

  1. Major/Minor (2011)

SW: Promises?

JC: Well I promise that I graduated high school when this record came out.

SW: High school was a blur to me; I graduated in 1999. Get it? Blur? Like the song. Get it? Not the band. Get it?

JC: You’re disarming me with this information.

SW: Promises?

JC: The. Anthology. Of. My. Senior. Year.

SW: I’m having a senior moment now. (pauses) BURN THE FLEET!

JC: Where were we again? BURN THE FLEET!

  1. To Be Everywhere Is To Be Nowhere (2016)

SW: BURN THE FLEET!

JC: Focus. (pauses) To be everywhere is to be…

SW: He’s a real nowhere man. Sitting in his nowhere land. Making all his nowhere plans for nobody.

JC: Ba da da da da.

SW: This was Thrice’s first album after a brief hiatus.

JC: The long defeat.

SW: BURN THE…

JC: WAKE UP!

SW: Ok. I’ll stay with you.

JC: FYI: I covered “Black Honey” and you probably didn’t expect that.

SW: Can you stop being such a whistleblower?

  1. Identity Crisis (2001)

JC: Fine. I think I’m going through an identity crisis.

SW: That was a really easy joke.

JC: Thank you.

SW: Everything’s in your hands now.

JC: To what end will this end?

SW: Ok. Ok. Ok. Ok. Solid debut. Ok. Ok. Ok. Ok.

JC: It even sounds better the next day!

  1. Palms (2018)

SW: I love that number four on this list came out last year. Last year, people.

JC: Rock isn’t dead.

SW: Sometimes I feel that only us know that.

JC: I guess so many others are in the dark.

SW: WELL HOLD UP A LIGHT, DUDE!

JC: (pauses) BURN THE FLEET!

  1. The Artist In The Ambulance (2003)

SW: Dude. We get it. You like my joke. I’m funny. I get it. You like my joke.

JC: (cries)

SW: Is that all that’s left? TEARS? There’s no crying in baseball!

JC: (still crying) Don’t tell and we won’t ask.

SW: (starts to cry) I’m sorry.

JC: STARE AT THE SUN, SCOTT! STARE AT THE SUN!

SW: BURN THE FLEET!

  1. The Illusion Of Safety (2002)

JC: In years to come this album will be remembered…

SW: So strange I remember you.

JC: Thrice rules.

SW: Thrice rules. I special ordered this album at a store in Ann Arbor. I miss record stores.

JC: SEE YOU IN THE SHALLOWS!

SW: (ignores him) I also saw Thrice on this album cycle open for Anti-Flag in Detroit. I was blown away by the guitar heroics.

JC: Such a subtle dagger…

  1. Vheissu (2005)

SW: Say it.

JC: I can’t.

SW: Don’t spray it.

JC: Or the earth will shake.

SW: For miles.

I would walk 500 miles and I would walk 500 more just to be the man who co-wrote an article on Thrice to burn down your fleet. Enjoy this playlist and go down with the ship. We’ll see you at the Vheissu fifteenth anniversary LA date next year!