Words From A Waldman: Ranting about “LOL” Five Times

This piece isn’t funny:

  1. The acronym LOL is worse for society than a famine crisis. You are not laughing out loud. I know. I see you. I’m right behind you now as you type it. I see your fingers and your lack of a laugh and a smile. You’re lying. You’re fucking lying. Gross. Stop fucking lying to the world and/or your contacts.
  2. The acronym LOL should be illegal. You are not laughing out loud and I will find you. I know. I see you. If you truly are laughing out loud every time you type it, you are insane and I don’t trust you anyway. You look and “sound” ridiculous. Gross. Stop fucking lying to the world and/or your contacts.
  3. The acronym LOL has caused more societal blunders than Trump and (insert politician that you hate) combined. LOL is an epidemic akin to the movie-film “Outbreak” and it must be stopped with a “haha”. I’m honestly cool with “haha”. Ha. Ha. Haha. Haha is my homie. Anything other than a real laugh or a “haha” = gross. Stop fucking lying to the world and/or your contacts.
  4. This one’s short. That’s what she said. Ha. Ha. Haha. The acronym LOL is insincere a lot of the time. Sincerely. Gross. Stop fucking lying to the world and/or your contacts.
  5. The acronym LOL truly means “Lying On Levels (Unimaginable)”. I just asked Dr. Drew this. He confirmed my suspicions and sent me an invoice for my inquiry. Gross. Stop fucking lying to the world and/or your contacts.

So, to quote myself in a middle school research paper, “in conclusion,” stop LOLing and actually har dee har har. Har. De. Har. Har. 

Am I joking?