I had the chance to write about the top nine guilty pleasure songs from the 90s with author/blogger Adam Bernard. Adam recently wrote a book called ChemBro: Embracing Beastmode to Beat Cancer and he was a beast of a conversationalist. Enjoy our banter and don’t feel guilty.
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Salt N Pepa – “Whatta Man”
SW: Dude, I danced to this song at more Bar Mitzvahs than any other.
AB: What a weird song for you and I to sing together simultaneously on separate coasts while driving…
SW: Adam, you’re so En Vogue.
AB: (audible groan)
SW: Hey! I thought that we were in the dad joke market together.
AB: You can legally tell dad jokes; you ARE a dad. I have no kids so I’ve been accused of dad joke appropriation.
SW: Whatta dad, whatta dad, what a mighty good dad…
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Bryan Adams – “(Everything I Do) I Do It For You”
AB: Bryan Adams = Peak dad rock.
SW: It was the summer of ’91.
AB: I like it.
SW: I like it.
AB: Full disclosure: This song was in the wrong Robin Hood movie.
SW; We’re men, we’re men in tights…
AB: Constantly foiled by a chastity belt.
SW: (long pause) Bryan Adams rules.
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Ace of Base – “The Sign”
AB: Indeed. By the way, does any country in the universe do pop music better than Sweden?
SW: No.
AB: Exactly! Scott, you know why you know?
SW: No.
AB: Because you saw the sign and it opened up your eyes.
SW: K.
AB: All that you want is another baby.
SW: No.
AB: (long pause) Ace Of Base rules. (another long pause) It’s a beautiful life.
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Mariah Carey – “Always Be My Baby”
SW: My life IS a beautiful life, but please stop picking songs about babies!
AB: Now you wanna be free so I’m letting you fly…
SW: I ain’t gonna cry no…
AB: You don’t have to cry, Mr. Waldman. I set up a tire swing in your backyard.
SW: Mr. Bernard, our love will never end. No.
AB: Actually, this article is only nine songs long, so our love will end on paper.
SW: (starts crying)
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Whitney Houston – “I Have Nothing”
AB: Stop crying! Whitney Houston is here for you now!
SW: I have something.
AB: Whitney’s voice was certainly something.
SW: Peak peak peak peak diva. Plus, “The Bodyguard” is a sick movie-film.
AB: I LOVE Paul Simon.
SW: You can call me Art.
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Natalie Imbruglia – “Torn”
AB: You know what I consider a work of art? Natalie Imbruglia.
SW: This is how you feel. I’ll say this: Natalie was with Daniel Johns of Silverchair. That’s enough “HOLY FUCK” for me.
AB: Speaking of holy fuck, is it weird that I’m co-writing this article lying naked on the floor?
SW: Yes.
AB: So what you’re saying is that you don’t wanna Ednaswap places with me?
SW: Correct. I’m not torn on that.
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Montell Jordan – “This Is How We Do It”
AB: FINE! PSA: THIS song is the best song that references drinking responsibly.
SW: So tip up your cup and throw your hands up…
AB & SW: (singing together) THIS IS HOW WE DO IT!
AB: I still have the cassingle for this track.
SW: You’re old.
AB: So I reach for age 40 and turn it up.
SW: So I reach for age 38 and turn it up. (pauses) It doesn’t have the same ring.
AB: Don’t worry. You’ll get there.
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Spice Girls – “Say You’ll Be There”
SW: Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. This song has the word “there” in it. Whoa.
AB: I see what you did…
SW: I’m giving you everything.
AB: (under his breath) I wish that the Spice Girls would give me something.
SW: THEY GAVE YOU “SPICEWORLD”! WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT?
AB: Honestly, I want to know exactly how that bus worked… And I don’t just mean Meat Loaf driving it!
SW: If you put Meat and Loaf together, you will see what this friendship is for.
AB: Wow.
SW: Adam, you’re all that joy can bring.
AB: Sorry I can’t give you paradise by the dashboard light.
SW: I gotta know right now before we go any further: Do you love me? Will you love me forever?
AB: Two out of three ain’t bad.
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Smash Mouth – “All Star”
SW: Smash. Mouth. All. Star.
AB: This song should be our national anthem.
