Before social distancing was a thing, Elodie Tomlinson of The Dumes and I sat at Coffee Commissary to discuss the top ten female front women. Elodie rocks. This list rocks. Rock:
10. Veruca Salt (Nina Gordon & Louise Post)
S: Salt of the earth.
E: Veruca of the pepper.
S: This article is going to be awesome.
E: Great song.
S: Underrated anthem. Underrated band.
E: 100%.
S: I found the seether.
E: I’m a volcano girl, man.
S: (fist bumps her)
9. The Pretenders (Chrissie Hynde)
E: I’d love to fist bump Chrissie Hynde.
S: No to pretender that.
E: I’d meet her in the middle of the road.
S: I’d stand by the sidewalk.
E: Bro, are you back on the chain gang?
S: No.
E: I guess I got you wrong.
S: Any female-fronted list sans The Pretenders got it wrong. Yours truly, cisgendered white make.
E: (fist bumps him)
8. The Muffs (Kim Shattuck)
S: On a serious note, Kim Shattuck will always be a legend and we hope that you engulf yourself in Muffs tunes after this piece.
E: If you’re over the streaming thing, watch the movie-film “Clueless”. Such a sad loss.
S: 100 percent.
E: Kim’s scream was epic.
S: (fist bumps her)
7. Patti Smith
E: Before we talk about the epic music, you should read “Just Kids”. It’s an awesome autobiography about Patti’s time working and being romantically involved with photographer Robert Mapplethorpe. It also goes into great detail on what it was like for Patti to be a struggling artist in NYC decades ago.
S: I like to read. I like struggle tales. I like pizza.
E: Girl, same.
S: Pizza has the power.
E: I see what you did there. Did that take you because the night?
S: Maybe.
E: (fist bumps him)
6. Paramore (Hayley Williams)
S: With brand new eyes, I revisited Paramore’s older catalog for this piece.
E: Was it fun?
S: Wrong band, sis.
E: Oh shit. Gotta decode that. That’s what I get.
S: (sings) Woooooooah.
E: Hayley got me through high school. Literally.
S: High school was misery business for me.
E: Pressure.
S: (fist bumps her)
5. Heartless Bastards (Erika Wennerstrom)
E: Would I be a heartless bastard if I didn’t accept your fist bump?
S: Yes. Only for you. I would’ve parted ways by now.
E: That would’ve been a journey, much like Heartless Bastard’s effortless blend of rock and roll.
S: Erika is a badass.
E: Indeed. I’m glad that we can help bring this band into the light.
S: Got to have rock and roll (on this list).
E: (fist bumps him)
4. Heart (Ann & Nancy Wilson)
S: Speaking of rock and/or roll, I’d love to see this band live. I bet that Heart rocks your face off live. I also love that we went from Heartless Bastards to Heart.
E: It’s magic, man.
S: Ooooooo. Barracuda.
E: I saw Heart live in Toronto. This is not a metaphor. The show ruled.
S: Straight on?
E: Straight on. I was not alone.
S: It wasn’t a private show?
E: (pauses) No.
S: (fist bumps her)
3. Angel Olsen
E: I’d never say “no” to Angel Olsen.
S: You’re my angel, you’re my darling Olsen.
E: I love “Full House”.
S: Those were the days.
E: Lots of new love cassettes. (pauses; no response) What a woman.
S: What a voice. Solid #3, sis.
E: Too easy.
S: (fist bumps her)
2. Pat Benatar
E: Hit me with your best Scott.
S: Before that joke, I felt invincible. Now I don’t.
E: You broke my heartbreaker. Treat me right.
S: K.
E: Love is a battlefield, Mr. Waldman.
S: Ms. Tomlinson, your badass vocals would work well with a collab with Mrs. Benatar.
E: Our voices belong.
S: Your voices belong. We belong. This article won’t be much longer.
E: (fist bumps him)
1. Courtney Barnett
S: (curtseys and fist bumps her)
E: (bows down and fist bumps him)
