It’s hard to maintain romantic relationships when you’re on the road. You are in a different city every night and it goes without saying that there are a lot of opportunities to meet new people. Being on a tour creates closeness, camaraderie and a tight bond between the participants. Most touring musicians will tell you that four weeks on the road feels like four months in real life. Everything is exacerbated. You are literally spending 24 hours a day with the same people. You are sharing a space, stage and bus. You are living and breathing the tour you are currently on. Sounds like fun right? Oh, yes it is. That being said, all this closeness can be very intense. Especially when members of the opposite sex start mingling. So, without further ado, here comes Kelsey Chaos’ tour tip #1 (Cue cool sound effects): Don’t mix business and pleasure.
When it comes to the “Tour Boyfriend/Girlfriend” idea, I personally believe you should always error on the side of caution. (FYI: I also think this tip is not limited to just touring but can be applied to any professional situation in general.) In other words, think long and hard before you get romantically entangled with a tour/bus/band mate. I don’t want to be a total buzz kill here. It is not entirely out of the realm of possibility that you might meet someone you really want to spend your time with outside of the rock n’ roll lifestyle. Let’s face the facts here: a fling can be an exciting experience.
On the other side of the coin, dating or hooking up on a tour can also be a big, giant, icky, stupid, emotional mess. Let’s picture this lovely scenario: an innocent hook up turns into “tour boyfriend/girlfriend”. Fast-forward a few weeks. Next thing you know end up hating each other and then you are stuck sharing a bus AND on the same tour. Everyone knows your business. Everybody talks. It’s extremely hard to hide this sort of thing. Now let’s take this one step further. Think about living day in and day out with your ex and constantly seeing them. Every. Single. Day. Torture. EW. NO THANK YOU.
Another component of this issue is what I like to call, “HOME DOESN’T EXIST-ITIS” (That is the very professional technical term obviously). When you head out on tour, it’s easy to forget you actually have a real life somewhere else. The touring lifestyle sucks you into sensory overload. There are wild parties, late nights, shows, new cities and new faces. It is so very easy to completely forget that your responsibilities exist back home. For example, after the show you start chatting up the cute merch guy/girl. Next thing you know, you’re a drink in and you’re tricking your mind into believing, “My girlfriend/boyfriend at home doesn’t exist! You’re a hotty. Let’s go!” This is bad karma all around. As much as it pains me to admit it, I’ve been on the other end of this scenario. I obviously will not divulge the details but it isn’t pretty ya’ll.
To play the devil’s advocate, I have actually seen people meet on tour and end up dating long term. That is always (kind of) fun to see. However, I’ve been down the tour romance road a time or two and can honestly say, MOST of the time it does not pan out so well. I caution you, dear reader, to have fun but be mindful of your actions and their consequences when it comes to matters of the heart on the road. (And really all the time ‘cuz love can be a bitch, right?)
UNTIL NEXT TIME,